I can handle Christmas songs during the summer, but by December they mainly want me to go on a rampage with a blunt chisel. Maybe this is because I’ve worked in shops where Christmas songs are on a loop…

There’s one in particular that could push me over the edge into the sea of despair, it’s called ‘The Happiest Little Christmas Tree’. The sonic vibrations of that track have emanated throughout the known universe. It is the reason why aliens have not contacted us to join in the heavenly galactic community and instead choose to probe various parts of our anatomy to discover how our species could have created such an aural abomination. The trouble is, now I’ve posted this, there are probably people out there who will be intrigued, and the cycle of devastation will begin again.